It is coming to a point in my life where things are actually turning out for a difference. And I’m really scared of what is waiting for me in Austin. I feel, that sometimes I am not ready for that like. Thoughts run throughly head, like…
- who am I rooming with?
- what will I eat
- where will I stay
- will I make friends
- will I still see my friends?
- will I be safe?
- will I have enough money?
- will I know my way around?
and another one stuck in my head is
Will I like it?
But I evaluate my past experiences such as home life and conflicts I’ve faced, and I see that that I can be very adaptive to my environment. Im good at making friends and being cautious in my surroundings and I have a plan in mind. Sometimes I create instances in my head like someone trying to kidnap me and I visualize my way out by gauging the persons eyes out and hitting all the special vulnerable spots. And I’ve been running since middle school, cross country and all…sooo I have a chance.
Sorry for that thought, but thats what I think sometimes, you have to be ready for a fight. Even for the ones that are not about life survival.
Another point in the ever-changing future is being prepared. Sometimes I doubt that quality in me. But I’m still here aren’t I, not that I’ve been through the worst possible scenarios you can think of, but I’ve had my share and from a young age I had to start growing. By the time I could speak and understand things, I was left on my own sometimes with my first brother. And because of that I am an independent and determined person.
It’s scary being on my own.
When I go to Austin, I there for me. Im not there to take care of my brothers and stay home, or to just be the second hand of the family. Im there to raise myself on my own for the first time. Yes, I have been alone before, but in the comfort of my house. Now i’ll be living in a dorm in a big city, surrounded by college life and classes with adults and students. I will be the parent for myself.
I will feel empty sometimes, without my three year old brother to be clinging on to me and giving me hugs. I’ll feel out of place sometimes without anyone to be on my side.
But thats life.
Being on your own in the world. And along the way you find yourself among with some friends to help you by.
But then its exhilarating, liberating! I’ll be on my own in the world. And of course i’ll meet new people and i’ll still have at least one person I know by heart to help me. I’m excited to be free from my small town. Opportunities will come my way and I can’t wait to start them and continue them.
But i’ll be okie. I know I will. And you will too, because its normal to have some fear, but really, its excitement. You have freedom at your fingertips. It is a chance to show that you have worked your way through elementary, middle school, and high school to be on your own. Even if your not going to college, because its not for everybody, it is your time of the ever-changing future
Sorry if i sounded like I just droned on, but its something I think about while I lay down in bed and listen to one record after another.
Now I have to worry about technical and minor things for college, which I am currently working on. lol
I wish you all the best.