All I Wanna Do…

Stress, YouTube, Self-degrading, Music, Thoughts, Life Update

HI

So it’s been a pretty long time since I’ve done a blog update. Actually since the summer. I’m not too sure where to start but, it’s been a lot. I wanted to do an update since the start of the school semester but I never got the time to do it. Sometimes I always feel too jumbled with so much stuff. So I’ll try my best to catch you up since the summer. (haha)

So starting the school semester everything has been fine. My classes are interesting and I really like the readings in one of my classes. A goal of mine was to be able to read every single book and text I was assigned. I hated how in past years I was never able to actually finish some of the material we were assigned. But again, this never works out. So far I’ve been pretty good with one class about reading, but recently I’ve missed reading two classes worth of the book. Ugh.

But besides that, I’ve been stressed. Like really stressed. I’ve noticed that my mood, even happiness, can be automatically switched if something bad happens. I’d say I’m an extremely sensitive person, which I don’t think most people know about me unless I tell them. I’m not an overreactor, but I do get pretty down. I know in social media I can be found smiling but sometimes I’m really sad. Sometimes I just want to lay in bed all day and wallow. Just wallow in how disappointed I am. How angry I feel. And how frustrated I feel. I think this has to do with the fact that I keep everything in. A lot. I feel like I’m a lot better when it comes to people I am close with, but with strangers or new people or someone that annoys me, I have a hard time saying anything until I can’t hold it in anymore and it bursts out. Or I sometimes feel that I’ll rant and vent so much to one person and I feel bad for it. But this is all part in putting others before myself. I’m glad I can acknowledge this problem.

Sometimes I think that smiling helps. I find that I’m in a better mood as I continue to help others and ask about their day, instead of being in solitude. Maybe talking and sort of speaking up. Maybe turning and looking at the good things. I need to take everything slowly. There are so many things to be happy about.

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Sometimes I do lead to self-degradation. I don’t think I do it a lot, but I dislike it when I do. I believe everyone is the subject to their own judgment. Sometimes I don’t feel good about myself and it even gets worse when I take things personally from other people. For instance, I don’t think some people acknowledge and take note of someone else’s feelings. This makes me so mad. So mad, at the fact of how selfish or rude some people are. It’s as if they lack social skills or something. How is being rude and selfish attractive in a person? Who would want to be their friend? I am not talking about anyone in particular; generally, I have noticed how selfish some people are. It really does surprise me.

This brings the fear of my trust issues. I wouldn’t say it’s an issue, but I am very cautious with those I want to be around with, or if I want to be around anyone at all. Sometimes being alone is much better than being with someone who wouldn’t give you the same respect as you would for them. It’s all secrets. Everyone has secrets, even I have secrets.

I hope I’m making some sense. If not then I’m so sorry. So much just goes on in my head! I think writing it here helps though. The best thing I can do for myself is to look after myself and those around me. To smile and greet. To help and care. Not to dwell on the bad stuff but to look forward towards the good

Enough of this negativity!


On other matters, I’ve been very active with my Youtube channel. Especially starting this Vlogtober, of course in my own time! I decided that making a video every day was not going to work out with my testing and reading schedule. If I were to break my routine or if something goes wrong (which it did), then I would be screwed! So no more daily videos but more of a weekly video.

I’m still trying to find exactly what I do on my channel. Right now its sort of all over the place with vlogs, covers, sit-downs, and makeup. But it’s still fun!

I still think I should work harder on my blog content. I know I always say that but I really mean it. I just have a hard time keeping track of things. Once I think of an idea I forget to write it down on paper.  A question for you all:

What do you want to see more on the blog?

Would you like to try to start up the interview series? I remember I had another one I was working on but I never posted it. Or maybe I can talk about some other stuff? What are you guys interested in?

As you can see I’ve redesigned my blog and made a cover page. I want to give you guys better quality, better content, and originality. I wanted to start by giving Songbird a new look! Maybe sometime down the line, I might change the name, but for now it’s sticking. I’ve had it too long to change it, but it’s bound to change someday as the blog continues to grow.

Untitled design copy

I was inspired one night and decided to spend about 2 hours of drawing and thinking of what exactly could be my brand. I didn’t want to stick to the pink palette because my graphic’s don’t really reflect that. I guess you can call my style “primary rainbow scrapbook”? Doesn’t really sound as great. But I wanted to make it myself. The last icon had a picture I didn’t take and I didn’t really think that felt right for the blog. I was tired of seeing it and I thought a fresh new take might inspire me more to develop what I have here.


 

Music has been very helpful for me. I’ve been really swimming in my thoughts( I don’t want to get into too much detail about it but I want to do something about it). A lot of my favorite artists are releasing new music and recommendations are flying everywhere. So, of course, I’m always listening to something new and something old every day. I got these urges to make music. Every day I think of lyrics or a chord sequence. Recently, a really great friend of mine gave me their electric guitar! I’ve been playing a lot, and If you’ve been following me on YouTube, I’ve been posting a lot of covers! Hopefully, I’ll be brave enough to release a cover with me playing guitar. We’ll see :).

I hope I’ve caught you up to date on most of the stuff. I feel like these posts are mostly me rambling about ambiguous stuff! Again, please let me know what you guys would like me to post on the blog. More music? More Poetry? More random lifestyle posts? Reviews? Commentary? Advice? Etc….What topics peak your interest?

If you have any questions about other things in my life just leave a comment below! You can use your email, you don’t need a WordPress account :).

Thank You!

H

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One thought on “All I Wanna Do…

  1. I know this is much later, but it’s really great to read about all the many exciting things that are going on for you and the things that are going on in your mind (even though I live with you lol). But to answer your question: yes, I really loved the interview piece on RJ and would love to see the other one you were working on, if you’d still like to share it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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