-don’t be afraid of the room-

A JANUARY-FEBRUARY UPDATE

 

Two months have gone by and we are now in March! February seemed like the longest month ever, I thought it would never end. Not that I hate that month, it was just a buffer until March and April where spring, music, vacation, and concerts start dropping my way.

I think I’ve been lost in my own thoughts. I don’t mean it in a bad way! I think I’ve been attending to myself more. Lately, though I have been pretty stressed about school. I can feel my patience being tested. Be it school, people, myself or just the universe trying to trip me up. I think something is in the air.

Again, I have the worst attention for creative projects I had in mind. I get too tired. I’m either too tired from school or from work, every other day one thing or the other. It’s nice to have a busy schedule but sometimes I’d like to be home or outside writing or drawing. Sometimes I wish someone would cook for me because I’m too tired to make food. But that’s life right? (also I’m not drinking enough water)

I’ve been working a lot on my creative side. I’ve been drawing and doodling more and more every day and I think that helps with my stress levels. Also keeping a clean area or space helps out.

I need to INTERNALLY not focus on EXTERNAL things. Do you understand what I mean?

I have a lot of thoughts in my head, and I wonder, and boy do I daydream a lot. I daydream a lot and get nothing done. I feel that it’s been easier for me to draw than it is to write my poems. There’s something on my poetic side that I want to get out but I have no idea how to approach it. I think I’ll find it in the end.

Ever just feel nothing and feel everything at the same time…

I think I’m in one of my obsessive moods again. At one point it was The Velvet Underground, then 1960’s Portuguese groups, back to The Rolling Stones, some Nina Hagen and now Bowie- David Bowie. And I’m still stuck there haha


 

I have some pretty great things to look forward to…

I wish I could talk about some of them but not yet! Ambiguity is fun….(that doesn’t even make sense)

But, yes. I have good people in my life, new people in my life. I have music and events. I have books and movies. I have those good conversations and those long talks.

I all feels good.


 

On a side note, I am so tired while writing this. I’m blasting 80s singles to pick me up from this funk.

 

I started organizing my days a bit better! I made a calendar in my journal and some goals. I guess you can call it bullet journaling, but I’m least of a perfectionist when it comes to pen and paper. I’m starting to keep track of my running habits, spending, homework management, and other things like payday and important dates.

Just a thought…but I can’t wait to not have this kind of schedule. I would love to just work and not worry about writing an essay or learning a language speech. And as lazy as this sounds…I don’t care anymore. It’s really not worth the debt and mental pain I feel. I’m already done with my real degree and it surprises people to hear that cause they wonder why I’m still in school. So the system can cheat me out of money, didn’t you know?

But I’m not that worried. I’m trying to keep up and smile.


 

What are some things you would like to see more on the blog? I know it’s been a bit stale and I want to make it up to you. 🙂

 

I have a few goals for myself

  • go to sleep
  • write more
  • write poetry
  • draw and start the art journal/collage
  • reach out
  • make effort
  • breathe
  • save money

 

What are some of your goals?

 

H

 

 

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