Is this a new series? I don’t know, I feel that I have a lot of ongoing series happening to holliesongbird.com. I have playlists, Songs of The Week, Monthly Updates, What’s In My Journal, Gratitude, Reviews, Favorites, and many more that I’ve been thinking about but too afraid to start. I don’t want to lose my posts within themselves, so I decided to think about reorganizing. Before I get to that, I wanted to let you know that this may or may not be a new series. I wouldn’t categorize it as a Monthly Update since it won’t be anything about what is happening in my mental health or life. These are just notes I could have written down in my note book about bettering myself, or things I plan or wish to do over the break or free time. So I hope you enjoy, I figured that If I gave an explanation for this post it might help you better understand the messes I make for myself, hahaha. Here it goes.
Stress, YouTube, Self-degrading, Music, Thoughts, Life Update
So it’s been a pretty long time since I’ve done a blog update. Actually since the summer. I’m not too sure where to start but, it’s been a lot. I wanted to do an update since the start of the school semester but I never got the time to do it. Sometimes I Continue reading “All I Wanna Do…”
Back from traveling, body image, thoughts
It has been a little more than a week since I’ve posted anything on my blog. Honestly, I’m tired. My trip took a lot of energy out of me and I decided to take a break for a bit. Get in tune with what to plan for the next posts and videos I want to do. My head always swarms with thoughts and ideas that its hard to figure out what I want to do and when I want to do it.
Being back in the states is so nice. I wasn’t sure if I was going to feel homesick at all but I was extremely homesick, up to a point where I was getting stressed out about it. Don’t get me wrong, I loved traveling and exploring new places and trying new things. I had a wonderful experience and I wish and hope that other people get to experience it in their own lives.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how I look. Like a lot. During the vacation, I was constantly asked about my age and the fact that I don’t look like my own ethnicity. Everyone thought I was at least 3 or 4 years younger than my real age and that I looked Indian because of my nose ring and I guess the combination of my hair and my skin color. That got me thinking and feeling a lot more self-conscious about my appearance. I think I dress okay, I don’t wear a lot of makeup and I don’t do my hair that often.I’m 5’1 so that doesn’t help the problem.
But why is this a problem in the first place?
Let me just say, if you want to comment on my age around a time in my life that I am literally a young adult, please don’t. It does not make sense to tell a 20-year old that they look so young, wait till I’m 40.
Not only is this about age, but the physical appearance and my own battle of beauty do take a toll on me. Sometimes I wish I was older looking, that I was taller with a bigger butt, or that my hair can naturally be perfect when I wake up. Or if my nose didn’t have a bump in it or that my head wasn’t so tiny. These are terrible thoughts,
I stop myself and think, as cheesy as it sounds: You look badass
Because I do, we all do. I heard someone say, you shouldn’t change who you are you should grow. That is the answer.
Growing is so important. I am not the person who I was 2 years ago. Honestly, I’m anxious, scared, aware- but I’m alive and happier. I feel so beautiful. This time in my life is the best I’ve ever looked. My brother told me that every time I visit it looks like I’ve glowed up since the last time. That compliment stuck with me because he noticed the change. It made me realize growth.
We always worry about how we look, how we sound, how we are. It’s inevitable. Even if I do love and accept myself that does not tear away the factor that I can be sad, I can be unhappy, tired, and not my best. Everyone has their limits to what they can feel. Don’t blame yourself for the unwanted feeling of unhappiness. It’s okay to fall down an get hurt, but you have to get back up and continue. Take your time and grow. Change can be stagnant. We all know that growth comes with change and continuous development.
I wanted to put these words out here for myself and for others. I’ve been having a hard time understanding certain emotions I’ve been feeling and I want to break out of it. I hope I made sense and if not, just imagine that this is from my own personal journal. Journals never make sense.
I’m back now, ready for the last month of summer! Also, I want to try a new look for my Instagram; picture concepts, Videos provided, maybe some new songs I’ve been contemplating. I will have my weekly Songs of the Week, I didn’t forget 😉
Some Favorites, New Projects, the end of the semester, whats going on…
I am writing this on the last of April. I planned to do this sooner, but it did not work out! Anyway, hello to the new Month of May. What we got coming up is my brothers birthday, mother’s day, dead week (for some), and the summer! For me this last week will be filled with exams and a quiz, but not to worry, the good thing is that I will get it done!
I can’t believe how fast and jam-packed this month has been. So many concerts, new projects, assignments, and events. I’m not even sure where to start!