It is currently the last month of the spring semester. All I can think about is how I want it to end as soon as possible. I feel that my brain has been fried and I am incapable to have any kind focus or direction to my work or study.
But these two months have been very interesting and sort of uneventful. Besides spring break which- as always-is nothing much to talk about. Home life is very awkward at the moment, but I feel that things have worked out. I spent my time with family.
Usually I spend my days (when I have free time), listening to music, reading or making music. Recently I bought myself a Novation Launchkey Mini, so I can’t start leaning some music software and sampling. At first hand it was pretty overwhelming with so many buttons and affects on the Ableton music software, but slowly I learned to actually have control using my Launchkey mini. It’s a working and learning process and I look forward to it.
I have been in a rut. And like all young adults we have a crisis, or a moment when we feel alone. I always feel like that. It hasn’t been till recent that I realized that I am unhappy sometimes. I don’t want to say all the time but I also don’t want to say sometimes. Because it’s in a sweet spot. When sometimes everything feels really shitty and then it turns out ok in the end. That is actually 95% true:
Things will turn out okay in the end, they always have, and you always find a way
But yes- I have this dilemma of trying to not worry about everything in my life. I should be happy and I am. I am happy, sometimes things get hard and its okay to feel angry about it. But hey! There is so many amazing things to be thankful for!
And thats what you should list out, mark out, write about, reflect about. For Instance, I am thankful for:
- Being able to listen to music, any kind of music I like.
- Watching or having amazing movies that have scenes in it that move my heart
- Being able to eat chocolate because its so freaking delicious.
- Getting a phone call yesterday from my brother telling me he misses me and loves me.
- Hugs from my boyfriend
- Being able to eat things that I like or want
- Writing in my journal
- Finally laying down on my bed
- Music videos and youtube videos
- New music releases
- Having decisions and choices
- Getting new books
- Making music and learning something new on the piano
- I got through today
My list may not be as great, but it makes me happy and that is all that matters. I want to be able to explore and do things that I love to do. I want to create, experience, meet new people, and not have to worry about every possible thing that could ruin the moment.
Because feeling happy only happens if you relax and let things happen.
Not saying to not give effort. You must always give effort if you life. I feel lonely, a lot. I long to be involved and included and together. But I have my own personal problem that I need to get over. Im not in my past life anymore, I am an adult and I get to be who I want to be in this new environment.
I do have goals. YES, it is very important to have goals in something. You end up evaluating yourself and what kind of mindset and position your future you wants to have. So set up a list go goals. GO AHEAD! RIGHT NOT! I’ll even do it too.(which I won’t show you now) But anyway…
Thats what is happening with me at the moment. Just big sloppy mess of everything. But it’s okay, were all human, looking for some kind of piece of mind.
(apologize that this has no structure and my ideas jump everywhere)
Have a wonderful week! Go take a nap or eat some candy or something.