Bye 2017

Bye 2017

For everyone, I think 2017 was honestly crappy. It was. But I also believe that it’s given me a whole new change and perspective on life, and myself. I’ve had so many new experiences and met so many new people. I’ve come to realizations about myself and others. I’ve reconnected with people and I lost others.

I know that this year generally was “hard” and the “worst” for everyone, but I think it was the most changing for myself. Lately, I have not been so great when it comes to posting my poetry and other things, I know that the Christmas break is one part of the procrastination. However, I’ve been experiencing some emotional things in my life. Mentally I feel as if I get depressed, sad, and the loss of motivation. Sometimes I’ll be mentally drained that it’s too hard or too much to do anything. It’s something I struggle with a lot and I usually don’t talk about. I get self-conscious and I worry about making something great and good to place in a public space. I don’t want to label it or make it seem like I’m the only one with this problem. I know other people go through that. Even now I’m not fully explaining how I feel and other anxiety issues I have. But that’s for another time. I think these emotions and stressfulness has a lot to do with the way the world is now. College scars us 18 to 25 year olds, and exerts so much stress on us. And the answer to that is just to “deal with it” or “That’s how life is”. No, it doesn’t have to be like that. 

Maybe 2018 can give us a new start to make something wonderful in life. To make life not shitty for ourselves. That is one thing I want to do for myself. 2017 has taken so much from me and given so much back. And I want to reflect on the great things that have happened in 2017.

First off 2017 gave me the chance to travel outside the states. I had the wonderful opportunity to go visit my Dad and my step Mom in Okinawa, Japan. I still can’t believe I got to experience a culture like Japan’s. To this day I still miss it and I can’t wait to go back this summer. I know for sure we’re going to go to Thailand or another country for 2 weeks. I recommend that everyone should go experience a new culture and travel someday in their lives. Everyone needs to leave the US for a vacation at some point. I got to taste the difference of the air, feel the sun’s warmth with a different welcome.

I know I met my boyfriend in 2016, but in 2017 he has always been there with me. I cant think of a time when we were apart. He’s made me realize some things about myself and has brought out the greatness in me. I know this may be sappy but it’s true that someone you care about really does bring out the best in you. He’s my punching bag, he’s my teddy bear, he’s the ear that I talk to, he’s the person that makes me laugh so hard I start crying and I forget all the bad things that happened. I hope I’ve done the same for him as much as he’s done for me. This brings me to my wonderful roommates that I lived with in 2017 and the many people I met through them. They brought me out of my introverted shell and given me a whole new relationship with myself and others.

Three highlights of the year would have to be the fact that I got to see The Garden, Mac Demarco, and The Shins all in this year. YES, I DID! I have to say that I’m proud of myself for buying those tickets. It is so fucking amazing that they all decided to stop by Austin to do a show. It was like the Gods of Music smiled down at me and said, “Hollie you deserve this”. This goes to show that 2017 did have something to put up.

In the second half of 2017 gave me the chance to do what I want in a college. I gave back myself the chance to write, which is one of my greatest passions. It’s the main tool I use to cope with things in my life. One of my greatest fears is losing my memory which is why I write in a journal.  I have so many thoughts and words to say and I found that writing was the way to channel all the sounds in my head. This blossomed my nick for writing poetry.

From what I can remember this has been my 2017 in a wrap-up. I’m sure a lot of other stuff has happened but I’m going to move on from that. Starting off…I want to be better at writing poetry and with music. I did a song recently, fully done and cleaned. I’ll decide when to post it on here. But yes, that is one new thing that has led up to this new year. I will make more songs soon! Sorry if this post seemed like a ramble.

I hope you all have entered 2018 with some grace, kisses, love, and happiness. And I wish for it to continue on.

H

p.

p.

 

Sometimes I stare at old pictures

not because of the memories but because

my mind likes to think and wonder

wonder where they are

did they mean to…

you know.

no, I never know

what to think in a situation of contact

So I resort to my photographs

My nice photographs

aligned by the edge

collaged in time.

But look at my photographs

Is there an admire, a thought that goes through your mind?

Do you ever wonder what happened after the pictures

and the last one there.

 

H

 

 

November: Monthly Catch up

November: Monthly Catch up

Hello Everyone!

This month has been pretty eventful. There were so many birthdays including mine! There were concerts and friends trips and dinners. I got to see my family and listen to new music and movies. Of course, there was college filling in the gaps keeping me busy.

I think this was a pretty good month. This past Thanksgiving vacation was much needed. I am so thankful to have been able to spend time with my family. I think that giving yourself a rest from school and work is such an important thing for the mind and body. Its necessary for me, I get so stressed and overworked that I forget to give time for myself. Which is why I listen to a lot of music and new artists. It keeps my mind calm and functional. But that’s just me, music will always be a part of my life.

Continue reading “November: Monthly Catch up”

October: Where am I, What’s coming up

October: Where am I, What’s coming up

Hello

I have been thinking about setting a monthly update of where I am at the moment. So here is a new catch up with me.

Honestly, this month has been a downer, not just to me but for people around me. Some of my roommates and friends. Everyone has been facing a hard time and I think it just has to do with the month. Midterms are here and there deadlines for things. There are festivals and concerts happening which I had my share in. There’s stress, there’s homework, sometimes procrastinating and just enough time in a day.

It is everywhere. And sickness too.

Continue reading “October: Where am I, What’s coming up”

Pomegranate

For you, you seem alone, and I’ve known many like you

I’ve lived with many like you.

And I feel like you

Till I am not like you

Or me

 

And asked a question of how to see you.

The woven lungs and snowflakes hide the strain

And as you drain

and drain

 

The stains of mental drain is a blood bath

It cleans and gleams on the reflection of my iris

The expectations of the tenderness of skin and meat are so unlikely

It doesn’t tear but rather

breaks apart

 

They can’t bite the fact that this is what I am

The inedible definitions does not nurture their minds

Its dry and sticky and far from replenish

Swallow my teeth to see if it grows in thier head

And seasons bring the ripest one of all

 

Till again I am covered in my own blood.

 

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Stage 1

 

I strive and strive

And after I fake my way

there is still a crack and shapes my mould.

I can only perceive the heat that burns

and ice never seems to clam me down

maybe lavender might do the trick.

And lather it over the bathe

but still the skin cracks

and fills in

Must be from the tears and continued

collapse

 

H

 

 

SOTW #16

Hey, so this next song(s) of the week will be…

Tyrant by Kali Uchis

Kali Uchis is a Goddess, I recommend listening to her. She also appears a lot in Tyler The Creators work.

The next song takes us back to the 80s

Head Over Heels by Tears for Fears

Please listen to this song if you really want something good. It is well worth

Let me know if you liked any of these selections. Comment or like below.

Give it a listen, give music a chance.

H

Starting the Semester

Starting the Semester

So I am officially moved in to my apartment with six other people. It really isn’t that all bad. I like everyone and so far things have been good. I am really nervous and excited about school. Im going to be so busy this semester and incredible independent. I feel that this year there is more academic work for me, honestly it is. More reading and writing, which is a good thing. This is a test for my ability and skills and how I will work it all out by myself. But hey, I’ve done it once I can do it again.

I will say…the best thing about this semester is the fact that I have an apartment. It is so much better than living in the dorm. I just got so sick of always being on the campus at all times. I may be only a street away from the campus but it does make a difference.

I have 17 hours of classes, its going to be fukin crazy

But hey, I’m in Austin, one of the best cities. I should have the time for myself. The only thing that I get tired of is walking everywhere and how far it is. But hey, good exercise is a good health mind. Don’t forget that! I am not even sure why I was writing this in the first place. I guess it is just an update of what this week has to offer. My weeks and months are going to consist

Who ever you are, what ever you are doing- I hope that you have great rest of the year. Be it college, work, highschool, home life- whatever applies to you.

H

Hey, Where You Been?

Hello Everyone,

so it has been about two weeks since I have posted anything and it’s because I been caught up with enjoying the last few days in Japan to arriving back home in the states. Lately I am tired and scrambling about moving back to Austin and other paper documents that I don’t feel like thinking about. The only thing that anyone wants to do is just lay down all day.

I am definitely lacking good sleep. Where I am no one ever really lets me sleep well. It is also hot in my room and the light from the window is too strong. I will say that I did get to stay in bed till 2:30 with the exception of people calling me to ask if I was okay because of how late I slept. I just want to freaking sleep with no bother for once. Literally I am laying down “wishing” I could fall asleep.

But I want to get back at consistency. I am pretty drained and where I am right now I lack inspiration and motivation. Even my happiness goes down because of the negative energy in my house. I do have a lot in my mind but what better way to get through it than to write about it for express it in poetry and music.

But hey on a good note…there is internet and cable in this house! After 6-7 years of not having any connection to the cable-interent world, I finally have access.

Funny though…

I only have a week left in my hometown till I move into my new apartment!

So enjoy it while it lasts.

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H

 

Hate

12:02 PM

I hate thinking because then you start to fucking hate everything

1:51

It sucks pushing away feelings your whole life

1:53

Feelings of anything because you had to grow up fast while others had a better time

 

I had to grow up fast

You don’t understand

 

H

 

New Artist Inspiration 

Of course the way I spend my morning is watching the latest YouTube videos. I was watching a video about 20 minutes ago from youtuber lindseyrem and it was about her latest summer playlist. Already from the first artist she mentioned- Puzzle aka an extension of The Garden– I was interested in what else she would mention. The next artist was Temporex 


I’ve been looking for a new artist with this type of music. It’s calming,simple, and relaxing. One way I could describe this sound is that it’s rounder, polished in a way. I really enjoyed the song Nice Boys from the album We Care. There is no effort to listen to and it is nice for some background sound and moments of lounging around.


This is a pretty nice find, and I can’t wait to lay back, write, read, and listen to it all summer.

Give it a listen, give music a chance.

H

H

Having seen your face brought something than another

Over the time and over the days it never got old

Leading and lending the quiet and exchanges of you and me

Left and looked lovelier than life

I knew that meeting you was finding the clean air to breathe

Everything found a place in time

Image result for art tumblr

H

Playlist 6: Summer Time Breezes

Songs of the summer make me think of loneliness. In summertime you either do nothing or do NOTHING with you time. You wither have all this money to and take vacation or you’ll being like me where I end up  getting stuck at home. And not all vacations require money and going to a different country, sometimes you spend time with other people or you meet up with friends. I remember in my summer days I would just spend them alone in my house. No one would really call me or text me to do anything. Sometimes people would come over but when I think of summer I think of my ROOM because 99 percent of my time was in there. So might as well listen to music and drown in my loneliness and laziness. In a way these summers are different for me. I never like breaks because I find myself stuck alone all the time, and thats because I love being alone. I love being with myself and my music, but it is way better to share it with someone. In this playlist I’ll try to share what I like to listen to and what I have been listening to during the summer. I hope you enjoy!

  1. Summer Whisper by Tomppabeats

2. Still Beating by Mac Demarco

3. Something Here by Day Wave

Continue reading “Playlist 6: Summer Time Breezes”

🍅 Catch Up With Me 🍅

Hello…

So from what I see, I believe that my passport issue will finally work out. I have plans to go to Japan but my only problem was that when I finally got my passport, they misspelled my last name. Yup, of course they would mistake the “C” for and “L”. When I went to the post office it felt really difficult because they didn’t even have an employee that could explain well for what I had to do in order to change my last name. But I ended up getting a form I had to fill out and everything went ok. I had to pay 74 dollars to get the passport expedited so I could get it in time within or less than 2 weeks. Hopefully everything is working out with that issue. When I was paying for the package to be sent the man at the register asked if I was getting married because he was curious as to why I was changing my last name. It is very rare to get forms to change last names. I said I wasn’t changing it, I WAS CORRECTING THEIR MISTAKE. I didn’t say it rude but I was pretty disappointed that my plans get delays over their mistake. If they were unsure they should have checked my birth certificate that had in their hands.

Now, my next plan is to get my military ID and hopefully they could correct my birthday. I am not in the military, my father is and that is the area where we will be saying in Japan, and I need the ID so I am allowed on the base. Stupid people who are in charge of my paper work put the wrong birth month on my ID, so now when I go to the doctors for Insurance it is a very difficult process to get what I need. The only luck I ever had with ID’s is when I did my divers license. The best to decent picture and correct information.

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That is what I have been going through. Nothing exciting ever happens around here in my home town, and currently I am using the internet at the local library to speak to you all. This past week has been very draining to my health. Lately I have been having bad stomach pains and eating makes me sick and bloated. I lose my appetite and then I gain it back again. Sometimes I feel very down and incredibly bored in my mothers house and I feel useless and unmotivated at times to write or plan for the blog. Don’t worry, I got back up again. I have been so stressed out here, even more mentally and emotionally stressed than I was In school. I think my summer plans next year will consist of me staying in Austin and perhaps getting a job, travel more with friends and taking trips with my father, and this time we’ll be able to take my boyfriend :). That brings me on another note, it will be a year soon with him, isn’t it crazy how time flies so fast?

H