Maybe

Maybe

A sad poem about conversations, just something I observed and a character formed.

 

Maybe if I’m still enough

I can float on conversations.

Maybe when there’s an opportunity

I won’t wait.

Maybe if I didn’t judge too hard

on myself, I’d talk in fragments.

Maybe if I start talking about what everyone likes

Maybe they’ll like me too?

 

H

Where this Flower Blooms

Where this Flower Blooms

Back from traveling, body image, thoughts  

It has been a little more than a week since I’ve posted anything on my blog. Honestly, I’m tired. My trip took a lot of energy out of me and I decided to take a break for a bit. Get in tune with what to plan for the next posts and videos I want to do. My head always swarms with thoughts and ideas that its hard to figure out what I want to do and when I want to do it.

Being back in the states is so nice. I wasn’t sure if I was going to feel homesick at all but I was extremely homesick, up to a point where I was getting stressed out about it. Don’t get me wrong, I loved traveling and exploring new places and trying new things. I had a wonderful experience and I wish and hope that other people get to experience it in their own lives.

…..

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how I look. Like a lot. During the vacation, I was constantly asked about my age and the fact that I don’t look like my own ethnicity. Everyone thought I was at least 3 or 4 years younger than my real age and that I looked Indian because of my nose ring and I guess the combination of my hair and my skin color. That got me thinking and feeling a lot more self-conscious about my appearance. I think I dress okay, I don’t wear a lot of makeup and I don’t do my hair that often.I’m 5’1 so that doesn’t help the problem.

But why is this a problem in the first place?

Let me just say, if you want to comment on my age around a time in my life that I am literally a young adult, please don’t. It does not make sense to tell a 20-year old that they look so young, wait till I’m 40.

Not only is this about age, but the physical appearance and my own battle of beauty do take a toll on me. Sometimes I wish I was older looking, that I was taller with a bigger butt, or that my hair can naturally be perfect when I wake up. Or if my nose didn’t have a bump in it or that my head wasn’t so tiny. These are terrible thoughts,

I stop myself and think, as cheesy as it sounds: You look badass

Because I do, we all do. I heard someone say, you shouldn’t change who you are you should grow. That is the answer.

Growing is so important. I am not the person who I was 2 years ago. Honestly, I’m anxious, scared, aware- but I’m alive and happier. I feel so beautiful. This time in my life is the best I’ve ever looked. My brother told me that every time I visit it looks like I’ve glowed up since the last time. That compliment stuck with me because he noticed the change. It made me realize growth.

We always worry about how we look, how we sound, how we are. It’s inevitable. Even if I do love and accept myself that does not tear away the factor that I can be sad, I can be unhappy, tired, and not my best. Everyone has their limits to what they can feel. Don’t blame yourself for the unwanted feeling of unhappiness. It’s okay to fall down an get hurt, but you have to get back up and continue. Take your time and grow. Change can be stagnant. We all know that growth comes with change and continuous development.

I wanted to put these words out here for myself and for others. I’ve been having a hard time understanding certain emotions I’ve been feeling and I want to break out of it. I hope I made sense and if not, just imagine that this is from my own personal journal. Journals never make sense.

I’m back now, ready for the last month of summer! Also, I want to try a new look for my Instagram;  picture concepts, Videos provided, maybe some new songs I’ve been contemplating. I will have my weekly Songs of the Week, I didn’t forget 😉

 

H

Starving

Starving

 

Another one of my weird poems. I wrote this one without thinking about structure or anything. This morning I was going to get my fruit but found out that it all spoiled in a matter of a few day, mine was the only one that went bad, which was weird. So I made a story of a narrator based on that. I hope you enjoy it, I know its rusty! lol

Continue reading “Starving”

B & W

B & W

If I stare long enough you look fleshy.

Like a glistening wound, sliced into a smile.

And yes, our smiles meet,

and it’s like natures sweetened water.

It’s complicated, sometimes…

You see, the freckles like to get stuck in my teeth.

But I think better of it, for I learn more about you.

Since your water is sweet,

I sometimes I have tackiness on my fingers,

But I lick them and leave the stains.

I’d bee with you any season and any day

You never lose your smile, even if you feel bruised

If you are taken apart or left out in rims

I’d nap next to you and curve to your body.

What is left is just enough,

We only have so much time.

H

spectrum

spectrum

I haven’t written a poem in a long time. I thought about this one last night so I decided to write it down today. It didn’t come out like the first draft in my head but I think I got the idea down.

 

To make my colors change

You have to see to gradient

the fine lines of my pores

and the rouge to my pupils.

 

You make my colors change

what was once purple is now blue

what was once red is now green

and black to white.

 

Making my colors change-

I am a different person

I think I gave some of myself

to become something new

 

My colors changed from

newspaper to a carnival

the popcorn butter and the cotton candy twists

that satisfy the never-ending taste buds.

With the stars serving the neon lights

that change the mood over time.

 

H

 

 

 

 

December: Monthly Catch Up

December: Monthly Catch Up

Hey!

So currently I am on Christmas Break, which is pretty great considering I have almost a whole month of no school. I have time to do things, to read, write, make music, and do mostly nothing.

Now this month has been interesting- emotionally. I feel like that’s usually the case when it involves the beginning of the month, or towards the ending of the month. I know I have not been doing so great with my writing/blogging portion, but I have drafts that are waiting to be published, I’ve literally been taking a break and contemplating about a lot of things, which I should write down. I’ve also been thinking about changing the style of my blog, but that’s on the thinking block.

So Christmas was really nice! I did get great gifts and caught up with my family and friends. I always believed it was so weird having so many people in your home, with so much noise and questions. It still is weird. But besides that, we have the new year to look forward too. Yes, 2018. It is fascinating to think that the year has already come to an end. I can’t even remember some of the things that have happened, so many things that have been lost, gained, learned, failed, succeeded. 2017 has been a really long year for some of us. But one interesting thing for us Texans is that it snowed. 🙂

My family’s lives have changed, people are growing, they moved to a new house. I have a different room now, all empty and unlived in. I think I’ve gotten used to it all, even if the house is 30 minutes away from my hometown. That’s what makes it hard, to be far from my friends and boyfriend, and the closeness of them all.

I feel like this time would be perfect for me to keep working on my writing and music. My only problem is procrastination and no motivation. But I hope I can whip myself back to where I want to be. I’ve been listening to a lot of music and watching a lot of movies, so maybe there might be a spark of inspiration there.

I hope to hear from ya’ll in the next year! (don’t worry I’m not leaving)

H

 

30 Days of Poetry: Day #12

30 Days of Poetry: Day #12

Day 12: Write a poem in the perspective of a stranger

 

I see her staring at me.

She looks like she ought to be a person that always stares, I know how she feels.

I’m staring back.

I’ll go back to my ways. But, I wonder. What are the chances of seeing that person again?

I wonder how many people looked at me and thought the same thing. I doubt it.

But it’s a thought.

What are the odds that I will see that woman again, the staring woman?

I won’t give it another thought, let me go on my day.

But, did she think the same thing too-

there she goes walking away.

Hm, will she see me again?

 

H

 

30 Days of Poetry: Day #10

30 Days of Poetry: Day #10

Day 10: Write about the moon without using the words, bright, shine, dark, crator, and moon.

 

I always wonder how you still look glowing
Even though your skin is cracked and porous.
You give an aura at night, you still seem to beam.
I always wonder if you are ever alone,
do you have friends or want companionship.
I know it’s been 45 years since our last visit.
The closest I can get to you is by sea
I meet you at your ripe tide
As you pull me back and forth, back and forth.
I bet it is so quiet all the way up there
so I’ve made a song for you,
I’ll sing it to you through bubbles.
Your face is like a pie and I want to take a slice.
 I can see you smile crookedly on those fun nights,
And you carry me home on those long somber rides.

 

H

 

 

 

30 Days of Poetry: Day #9

30 Days of Poetry: Day #9

Day #9: write an honest poem about yourself, don’t hold anything back.

 

I relapse in my thoughts

And its a drug I can’t stop welcoming.

Don’t worry it’s not tangible, I can’t taste it, I can’t consume it.

Everyone has it. So I think it’s okay to feel this way.

 

I overthink and take too much time

To make a choice or to decide.

I tend to get mad, and days like this I stop everything.

People don’t know me to be crippled in cold,

but that means you don’t know me

 

I always get tired. I get tired of trying to be something.

I don’t care for crowds and loud people talking at the same time.

I prefer to be alone, or with one great person.

I feel that I can show you myself more

Otherwise, I won’t say much.

 

I force words out of my mouth and It feels like I’m throwing up acid

Becuase nothing sticks, it just burns a hole through an ear.

I can’t speak loud anyway and when I do

It’s always something wrong.

 

Then I stare at people

And I wish I could be you, him, her.

I wish I could feel pretty all the time and not let my jealous rage

make me angry for no reason.

I start to think I hate people.

 

I don’t realize this about me

I think I’ve earned to feel emotion and sadness from time to time

But all the time- that’s the issue.

It’s not good to drown others with me while I’m at it.

 

This isn’t an intervention, and I’m not trying to feel sorry for myself.

I don’t hate myself and I do find my company great.

I have grown to love my self, and I am learning to just

let it go.

 

I find myself cute and pretty. I find myself sexy.

I believe to be different.

I like the things I like, and I like how I give my heart and love and patience to many

I worry that I’ll get hurt. But I’ve been hurt many times before, not by a love

but from all.

 

But I always seem to still be here.

I’m here and so is everyone else.

I’m still working on myself and I haven’t figured out what is wrong sometimes.

 

I just know that there are so much more beautiful things to cry about.

 

H

 

 

 

November: Monthly Catch up

November: Monthly Catch up

Hello Everyone!

This month has been pretty eventful. There were so many birthdays including mine! There were concerts and friends trips and dinners. I got to see my family and listen to new music and movies. Of course, there was college filling in the gaps keeping me busy.

I think this was a pretty good month. This past Thanksgiving vacation was much needed. I am so thankful to have been able to spend time with my family. I think that giving yourself a rest from school and work is such an important thing for the mind and body. Its necessary for me, I get so stressed and overworked that I forget to give time for myself. Which is why I listen to a lot of music and new artists. It keeps my mind calm and functional. But that’s just me, music will always be a part of my life.

Continue reading “November: Monthly Catch up”

30 Days of Poetry: Day #8

30 Days of Poetry: Day #8

Day #8: Describe a color without using the name of that color

Bubbly and Soapy and you see me at the corners of your eyes, but I am not at a primary state

Roses like to hold my name, but I am nothing like that puncture from that thorn.

I’m in your lips, in parts of your tongue. Sometimes on your nails and between your teeth.

I taste like cotton candy and smell like grapefruits. I erase the mistakes we’ve made and I help with yours.

I can dance on my toes for you, and I stereotype of the feminine, although I like men too.

You can hear the ocean in me if you hold me close, while I stick to you like watermelon juice.

I open like a lotus when you touch me. I bloom rarely like the sweetness of cherry blossoms

But I give myself, bathe in my lake and waterfalls of the blue moon

 

H

 

 

 

30 Days of Poetry: Day #4

Day #4: Write a poem in the style of a dictionary entry

 

Eurhythmic

or Eurythmic [yoo-rith-mik, yuh-]

Adjective

  1. Harmoniously overcoming your senses and In other words beyond description and feeling
  2. Through the pulses in your ears and the cage of your chest, displays a song  of euphoria
  3. You try to describe your senses, it comes to terms that they are beyond comprehension
  4.  Dances of waves move you on

POETRY_4

 

H

 

30 Days of Poetry: Day #3

30 Days of Poetry: Day #3

Day #3: Write a poem based off of your favorite fairy tale

 

women wish they were called a beauty

but no escape can mirror the future

but what will be shown is cast at glance

belle of intelligence

and misunderstood in community

talking to oneself or objects give comfort

only one person of companionship

can overturn the break

words and bindings can tell knowledge

teach and warm the stories that give hope

 

Be true to yourself

be kind to others

unless savage life and bring your life to end

like the roses petals

that fall to every grace and time

 

H

Song playing: Tighten the Reins by Puzzle

beautyandthebeast

 

 

 

 

 

30 Days of Poetry: Day #2

30 Days of Poetry: Day #2

Day #2: Write a poem/letter to your future self

Dear Me,

You are something aren’t you, You think that no one can understand who you are

When sometimes you don’t even know who you are, but it’s okay. A cliche phase for everyone is that we never know and we’re so unsure. But it is okay.

It’s fine that you cry when your not “suppose to” and it’s fine when you don’t cry when you’re “expected to”. You struggle with thoughts and unhappy mindsets and it may seem like you have nothing. But there is nothing. Nothing in this world to make you perfect. Because perfect is unreal.

How are things for you? I hope everything is well, and I hope that you did the things you wanted to do. See the bands you wanted to see, watch the movies you planned to watch, read the books you meant to finish.

I told you that you would finish that assignment, and you see that everything is fine now. You worry too much, you’re not yourself when you’re too much. 

It’s nice to talk to you from here. It’s quiet when it’s for us. When writing is the most we can do to silence our actions and focus on one.

I love you

 

H

-Dear Me,-

 

 

30 Days of Poetry: Day #1

30 Days of Poetry: Day #1

Hello! This is the first day starting my 30 Days of Poetry Challenge. In advance- may mess up with some consistency in these first 3 days. I have a lot on my plate and I forgot to plan my days correctly. But I hope you enjoy this! Maybe I’ll even make a playlist of songs I listened to when I made these poems. This is going to be interesting…lets see how it goes! 🙂

H

 Day #1: Write a poem about hellos.

 

7:00 am

A welcoming smile is brighter than the sun

But the sun brings me a blanket over the night

And when the night greets my eyes

I am hugged to sleep

Headless and Heavy, everyone might be sleeping in

But I make the time to say hello to my consciousness.

 

12:00 pm

People awkwardly make eye contact because it is the normal thing to do

When you see someone in the hallway they find you too

And the sincere wave and smile

Never goes further than that, unless there is more

What was their name again?

 

4:00 pm

After the crowd of introductions and papers

Speakers whom you forget their name….

I embrace your still stature, and together we walk to our respective.

This the welcome that never gets old.

I know your name and I know their names

How great is it to see you again

 

11:00 pm

Headless and heavy, I see the overcast of sleep

And It asks me to be their friend while I can barely hold myself up

My eyes crisscross feet and focus on focusing

Good times roll, and punching media and essays of what comes next

Hands on the side and jeans off

I take it slowly and lay still.

 

H