If I stare long enough you look fleshy.
Like a glistening wound, sliced into a smile.
And yes, our smiles meet,
and it’s like natures sweetened water.
It’s complicated, sometimes…
You see, the freckles like to get stuck in my teeth.
But I think better of it, for I learn more about you.
Since your water is sweet,
I sometimes I have tackiness on my fingers,
But I lick them and leave the stains.
I’d bee with you any season and any day
You never lose your smile, even if you feel bruised
If you are taken apart or left out in rims
I’d nap next to you and curve to your body.
What is left is just enough,
We only have so much time.
I haven’t written a poem in a long time. I thought about this one last night so I decided to write it down today. It didn’t come out like the first draft in my head but I think I got the idea down.
To make my colors change
You have to see to gradient
the fine lines of my pores
and the rouge to my pupils.
You make my colors change
what was once purple is now blue
what was once red is now green
and black to white.
Making my colors change-
I am a different person
I think I gave some of myself
to become something new
My colors changed from
newspaper to a carnival
the popcorn butter and the cotton candy twists
that satisfy the never-ending taste buds.
With the stars serving the neon lights
that change the mood over time.
For everyone, I think 2017 was honestly crappy. It was. But I also believe that it’s given me a whole new change and perspective on life, and myself. I’ve had so many new experiences and met so many new people. I’ve come to realizations about myself and others. I’ve reconnected with people and I lost others.
I know that this year generally was “hard” and the “worst” for everyone, but I think it was the most changing for myself. Lately, I have not been so great when it comes to posting my poetry and other things, I know that the Christmas break is one part of the procrastination. However, I’ve been experiencing some emotional things in my life. Mentally I feel as if I get depressed, sad, and the loss of motivation. Sometimes I’ll be mentally drained that it’s too hard or too much to do anything. It’s something I struggle with a lot and I usually don’t talk about. I get self-conscious and I worry about making something great and good to place in a public space. I don’t want to label it or make it seem like I’m the only one with this problem. I know other people go through that. Even now I’m not fully explaining how I feel and other anxiety issues I have. But that’s for another time. I think these emotions and stressfulness has a lot to do with the way the world is now. College scars us 18 to 25 year olds, and exerts so much stress on us. And the answer to that is just to “deal with it” or “That’s how life is”. No, it doesn’t have to be like that.
Maybe 2018 can give us a new start to make something wonderful in life. To make life not shitty for ourselves. That is one thing I want to do for myself. 2017 has taken so much from me and given so much back. And I want to reflect on the great things that have happened in 2017.
First off 2017 gave me the chance to travel outside the states. I had the wonderful opportunity to go visit my Dad and my step Mom in Okinawa, Japan. I still can’t believe I got to experience a culture like Japan’s. To this day I still miss it and I can’t wait to go back this summer. I know for sure we’re going to go to Thailand or another country for 2 weeks. I recommend that everyone should go experience a new culture and travel someday in their lives. Everyone needs to leave the US for a vacation at some point. I got to taste the difference of the air, feel the sun’s warmth with a different welcome.
I know I met my boyfriend in 2016, but in 2017 he has always been there with me. I cant think of a time when we were apart. He’s made me realize some things about myself and has brought out the greatness in me. I know this may be sappy but it’s true that someone you care about really does bring out the best in you. He’s my punching bag, he’s my teddy bear, he’s the ear that I talk to, he’s the person that makes me laugh so hard I start crying and I forget all the bad things that happened. I hope I’ve done the same for him as much as he’s done for me. This brings me to my wonderful roommates that I lived with in 2017 and the many people I met through them. They brought me out of my introverted shell and given me a whole new relationship with myself and others.
Three highlights of the year would have to be the fact that I got to see The Garden, Mac Demarco, and The Shins all in this year. YES, I DID! I have to say that I’m proud of myself for buying those tickets. It is so fucking amazing that they all decided to stop by Austin to do a show. It was like the Gods of Music smiled down at me and said, “Hollie you deserve this”. This goes to show that 2017 did have something to put up.
In the second half of 2017 gave me the chance to do what I want in a college. I gave back myself the chance to write, which is one of my greatest passions. It’s the main tool I use to cope with things in my life. One of my greatest fears is losing my memory which is why I write in a journal. I have so many thoughts and words to say and I found that writing was the way to channel all the sounds in my head. This blossomed my nick for writing poetry.
From what I can remember this has been my 2017 in a wrap-up. I’m sure a lot of other stuff has happened but I’m going to move on from that. Starting off…I want to be better at writing poetry and with music. I did a song recently, fully done and cleaned. I’ll decide when to post it on here. But yes, that is one new thing that has led up to this new year. I will make more songs soon! Sorry if this post seemed like a ramble.
I hope you all have entered 2018 with some grace, kisses, love, and happiness. And I wish for it to continue on.
So currently I am on Christmas Break, which is pretty great considering I have almost a whole month of no school. I have time to do things, to read, write, make music, and do mostly nothing.
Now this month has been interesting- emotionally. I feel like that’s usually the case when it involves the beginning of the month, or towards the ending of the month. I know I have not been doing so great with my writing/blogging portion, but I have drafts that are waiting to be published, I’ve literally been taking a break and contemplating about a lot of things, which I should write down. I’ve also been thinking about changing the style of my blog, but that’s on the thinking block.
So Christmas was really nice! I did get great gifts and caught up with my family and friends. I always believed it was so weird having so many people in your home, with so much noise and questions. It still is weird. But besides that, we have the new year to look forward too. Yes, 2018. It is fascinating to think that the year has already come to an end. I can’t even remember some of the things that have happened, so many things that have been lost, gained, learned, failed, succeeded. 2017 has been a really long year for some of us. But one interesting thing for us Texans is that it snowed. 🙂
My family’s lives have changed, people are growing, they moved to a new house. I have a different room now, all empty and unlived in. I think I’ve gotten used to it all, even if the house is 30 minutes away from my hometown. That’s what makes it hard, to be far from my friends and boyfriend, and the closeness of them all.
I feel like this time would be perfect for me to keep working on my writing and music. My only problem is procrastination and no motivation. But I hope I can whip myself back to where I want to be. I’ve been listening to a lot of music and watching a lot of movies, so maybe there might be a spark of inspiration there.
I hope to hear from ya’ll in the next year! (don’t worry I’m not leaving)
Damn. I can’t believe I completely forgot about this, but after all, it was the holidays. For my songs of the week, I’ve been going back to a lot of my favorites. This is what I got for you…
Passing Out Pieces by Mac Demarco
This has always been a favorite of mine, the words really mean a lot. The video is weird, but what isn’t weird anymore.
Flamming Hot Cheetos by Clario
She’s one of the inspirations for me to start making music.
Fucking Young by Tyler the Creator
I hope you enjoy these songs! You’ll be hearing from me soon.
Give it a listen, give music a chance.
Sometimes I stare at old pictures
not because of the memories but because
my mind likes to think and wonder
wonder where they are
did they mean to…
no, I never know
what to think in a situation of contact
So I resort to my photographs
My nice photographs
aligned by the edge
collaged in time.
But look at my photographs
Is there an admire, a thought that goes through your mind?
Do you ever wonder what happened after the pictures
and the last one there.
Day 12: Write a poem in the perspective of a stranger
I see her staring at me.
She looks like she ought to be a person that always stares, I know how she feels.
I’m staring back.
I’ll go back to my ways. But, I wonder. What are the chances of seeing that person again?
I wonder how many people looked at me and thought the same thing. I doubt it.
But it’s a thought.
What are the odds that I will see that woman again, the staring woman?
I won’t give it another thought, let me go on my day.
But, did she think the same thing too-
there she goes walking away.
Hm, will she see me again?
Day 11: Write a poem based on your favorite lyric
I am overcome by the process of living
With what they throw back and what I can catch
And I try to pull the buckets of tears over my sail
To take me out to the vastness.
And I see your arms and a stretch it made
From your skin brought a wave
Of a happy disaster, what a surprise.
And as the wave cast, Your sweat pushed me through,
To the undiscovered temples.
And your words salted my tongue and eyes
As bubbles orbed around me
And we floated past the waving grass.
“My life in an upturned boat, marooned on a cliff
You brought me a great big flood
And you gave me a lift
To care, what a gift
You tell me with your tongue
And your breath was in my lungs
And you float over the rift”
“Simple Song” by The Shins
Day 10: Write about the moon without using the words, bright, shine, dark, crator, and moon.
Day #9: write an honest poem about yourself, don’t hold anything back.
I relapse in my thoughts
And its a drug I can’t stop welcoming.
Don’t worry it’s not tangible, I can’t taste it, I can’t consume it.
Everyone has it. So I think it’s okay to feel this way.
I overthink and take too much time
To make a choice or to decide.
I tend to get mad, and days like this I stop everything.
People don’t know me to be crippled in cold,
but that means you don’t know me
I always get tired. I get tired of trying to be something.
I don’t care for crowds and loud people talking at the same time.
I prefer to be alone, or with one great person.
I feel that I can show you myself more
Otherwise, I won’t say much.
I force words out of my mouth and It feels like I’m throwing up acid
Becuase nothing sticks, it just burns a hole through an ear.
I can’t speak loud anyway and when I do
It’s always something wrong.
Then I stare at people
And I wish I could be you, him, her.
I wish I could feel pretty all the time and not let my jealous rage
make me angry for no reason.
I start to think I hate people.
I don’t realize this about me
I think I’ve earned to feel emotion and sadness from time to time
But all the time- that’s the issue.
It’s not good to drown others with me while I’m at it.
This isn’t an intervention, and I’m not trying to feel sorry for myself.
I don’t hate myself and I do find my company great.
I have grown to love my self, and I am learning to just
let it go.
I find myself cute and pretty. I find myself sexy.
I believe to be different.
I like the things I like, and I like how I give my heart and love and patience to many
I worry that I’ll get hurt. But I’ve been hurt many times before, not by a love
but from all.
But I always seem to still be here.
I’m here and so is everyone else.
I’m still working on myself and I haven’t figured out what is wrong sometimes.
I just know that there are so much more beautiful things to cry about.
Day #8: Describe a color without using the name of that color
Bubbly and Soapy and you see me at the corners of your eyes, but I am not at a primary state
Roses like to hold my name, but I am nothing like that puncture from that thorn.
I’m in your lips, in parts of your tongue. Sometimes on your nails and between your teeth.
I taste like cotton candy and smell like grapefruits. I erase the mistakes we’ve made and I help with yours.
I can dance on my toes for you, and I stereotype of the feminine, although I like men too.
You can hear the ocean in me if you hold me close, while I stick to you like watermelon juice.
I open like a lotus when you touch me. I bloom rarely like the sweetness of cherry blossoms
But I give myself, bathe in my lake and waterfalls of the blue moon
Day #7: Write a poem about something that makes you happy.
To hear you in the air is blissing
And I want to celebrate my sensitivities
Nothing has to be done
Just as long as we can hear
The words of your music, and music
And the taste of your knowledge
Who would have known
that entering here would be without effort
Separated is lost and silent
I feel the need to touch and hear again
Pluses with Vibrations
Collect our joys in the pockets we share
Sounds and music
Embraces our embraces
Beneath us is the soundscape
And to escape was our home
Approaching me and to you
Was the decision that struck the tempo
In our oceans of skins
In a girl and boy
Day #6: Write a Metaphor about your favorite season
Chill on every cloud puff
And warmth settles in by the pound
But eventually will shed off a new start
like the gentle fall of leaves that bed the concrete
Like apricots, oranges, apples, and plums
Have fallen off the hot basket of green
Day #5: Write a Eulogy
It is coincidence that today is the day,
The day that it happened.
I talked about you yesterday when filing through passed names
Yours that my brother holds
but he never knew you.
Your skin was light and eyes blue, or green
I was too small to remember.
It is so hard to believe that you would end
That people even give ends to themselves.
I only remember your smiles and laughter
And the first time you took me on an errand to the mermaids coffee
And I wasn’t even tall enough to see past the car window.
You were a father
You were a husband
You were a brother
You were an uncle
You were a friend of all
Day #4: Write a poem in the style of a dictionary entry
or Eurythmic [yoo-rith-mik, yuh-]
- Harmoniously overcoming your senses and In other words beyond description and feeling
- Through the pulses in your ears and the cage of your chest, displays a song of euphoria
- You try to describe your senses, it comes to terms that they are beyond comprehension
- Dances of waves move you on
Day #3: Write a poem based off of your favorite fairy tale
women wish they were called a beauty
but no escape can mirror the future
but what will be shown is cast at glance
belle of intelligence
and misunderstood in community
talking to oneself or objects give comfort
only one person of companionship
can overturn the break
words and bindings can tell knowledge
teach and warm the stories that give hope
Be true to yourself
be kind to others
unless savage life and bring your life to end
like the roses petals
that fall to every grace and time
Song playing: Tighten the Reins by Puzzle
Day #2: Write a poem/letter to your future self
You are something aren’t you, You think that no one can understand who you are
When sometimes you don’t even know who you are, but it’s okay. A cliche phase for everyone is that we never know and we’re so unsure. But it is okay.
It’s fine that you cry when your not “suppose to” and it’s fine when you don’t cry when you’re “expected to”. You struggle with thoughts and unhappy mindsets and it may seem like you have nothing. But there is nothing. Nothing in this world to make you perfect. Because perfect is unreal.
How are things for you? I hope everything is well, and I hope that you did the things you wanted to do. See the bands you wanted to see, watch the movies you planned to watch, read the books you meant to finish.
I told you that you would finish that assignment, and you see that everything is fine now. You worry too much, you’re not yourself when you’re too much.
It’s nice to talk to you from here. It’s quiet when it’s for us. When writing is the most we can do to silence our actions and focus on one.
I love you
Hello! This is the first day starting my 30 Days of Poetry Challenge. In advance- may mess up with some consistency in these first 3 days. I have a lot on my plate and I forgot to plan my days correctly. But I hope you enjoy this! Maybe I’ll even make a playlist of songs I listened to when I made these poems. This is going to be interesting…lets see how it goes! 🙂
Day #1: Write a poem about hellos.
A welcoming smile is brighter than the sun
But the sun brings me a blanket over the night
And when the night greets my eyes
I am hugged to sleep
Headless and Heavy, everyone might be sleeping in
But I make the time to say hello to my consciousness.
People awkwardly make eye contact because it is the normal thing to do
When you see someone in the hallway they find you too
And the sincere wave and smile
Never goes further than that, unless there is more
What was their name again?
After the crowd of introductions and papers
Speakers whom you forget their name….
I embrace your still stature, and together we walk to our respective.
This the welcome that never gets old.
I know your name and I know their names
How great is it to see you again
Headless and heavy, I see the overcast of sleep
And It asks me to be their friend while I can barely hold myself up
My eyes crisscross feet and focus on focusing
Good times roll, and punching media and essays of what comes next
Hands on the side and jeans off
I take it slowly and lay still.
the gentle fall of
leaves begins and starts the
new November days
I think of all warmth
but get refreshed with cold
cold October days
Here’s the last one day
to give us the day one
of another year
and the numbers only change
what was once, was there